(no subject)
uhm wait hold on...
thesmartdog
"sorry L not gonna make it to din, K and I have too much homework. next time! you and J have fun!!!"

Logan just sighs at the text from Carlos. He should have expected this. Carlos and Kendall have just been so damn buddy buddy since last summer. This isn't the first time Carlos has ditched him in favor of their blind friend. Especially since Carlos found out Kendall has a ball pit at his house. Plus they get to play with Gretzky. Logan can't help thinking he's losing his best friend to someone else. And now not only is Carlos ditching him, he's ditching him with someone who doesn't know sign language nor is he very good at communication in general.

James is sitting across the table at the pizza parlor with Logan and without even thinking, Logan signs to him, "Carlos and Kendall aren't coming." Then he sighs and shakes his head, knowing immediately James won't get it, and hands him the phone so he can read Carlos' text himself.

Logan likes James, though, he's alright. He's curious and imaginative and Logan is sure he's loud, too, but that obviously doesn't bother him. The problem with James, though, is that he and Logan have never been able to communicate between themselves. Logan has needed Carlos as an interpreter all the time. He can't even lip-read James very well because the kid has a difficult time remembering to slow down and speak clearly.

So what was supposed to be a fun dinner with his friends is probably going to be boring and severely lacking in conversation.

(no subject)
uhm wait hold on...
thesmartdog
It's bad enough Logan is having a crisis of sexual identity. But to make it worse, the only person he feels he can talk to about it is his brother. That isn't to say Logan doesn't love James. He does, immensely. But that's the whole other problem.

James is a bug part of why Logan has started to question his sexuality. Not only does Logan love his brother, he also sometimes wants to shower with him and maybe sometimes fakes a fear of loud wind just to get him into bed with him.

Half-brother, though. At least there's is that half in there. At most, they only share 50% of their genes and sometimes Logan needs that 50% to comfort him and his sick fantasies.

Thankfully, there's no way James could ever see Logan as more than his brother. They're best friends, sure, and closer than any other siblings Logan knows, but James isn't gay, and if he was, Logan wouldn't be his type. He'd be more into the likes of Kendall, James' best friend and Captain of the hockey team they play on at school. Because Kendall is actually hot, unlike Logan. He doesn't get excited by equations and books like nerdy Logan. He likes cool things. James would like a cool guy. If he liked guys. Which Logan can assure himself James does not.

Still, there's no one else Logan trusts more and since he's been standing at James' bedroom door for ten minutes thinking how to start this conversation or how he'll change it if he has to, he decides to finally tap his knuckles on it, knocking it open a few inches and peeks in.

"James...? Can I talk to you about something?"

(no subject)
daww I'm cute I know
thesmartdog
Logan hasn't spent the night with another person in any sense, intimate or otherwise, in a very long time. He hasn't wanted to, really, so wanting to share a bed with Carlos is a big step. Logan's therapist would say the same thing. In fact, for the first time ever, Logan is looking forward to telling his therapist something, how he's found someone who excites him, who makes his heart race and his cheeks ache from smiling, who he actually sees a future with.

The only problem is his past. And Logan really isn't over it. Any of it. As much as he likes Carlos, he has so much baggage that Carlos doesn't know about. Even last night, Logan wore a thermal shirt to bed to cover his track marks. He just isn't ready to face that with Carlos. Because he has no clue how Carlos will react. Even the best person in the world is completely allowed to not want someone with this much baggage, this heavy of a past.

Logan will confront that when he gets to it, though, probably after discussing it at length with his therapist.

Carlos looks so sweet asleep. He still seems like he's smiling. It's so cute. And he's just so innocent and cute and, god, Logan could just snuggle him so hard and kiss all over his face. But that would wake Carlos up and Logan would feel bad.

So what he decides is a better way to show his affection is to make him breakfast in bed. He does lean in to kiss Carlos on the lips lightly, then carefully gets out of bed and starts to look for his slippers in the room dimly lit by sunlight peeking through his curtains.

It's kind of hard sharing his bed with someone besides James. Looking at the sheets and seeing a body wrapped up in them that isn't 6-foot-ten and built like a mountain. Until it wasn't... until it was a shriveled husk that had forgotten who lived in it. The person who occupied that body died long before the body did... At least it isn't the same apartment anymore. Logan's in a studio now, close to his old rehab facility, where he could get back easily if he needs to in a pinch. Which has only happened once, when he thought he was going to explode out of his skin, like he was going to scream and tear himself open, like his brain was on fire. That was only once, though, and now he's pretty safe in his little one-room studio apartment.

Carlos doesn't know any of that, though, thank god.

Logan shuffles over to the refrigerator in the adjoined room, getting out the carton of eggs, gallon of milk, some bacon. He'll make a nice breakfast for Carlos. This is something he can do.

(no subject)
girl happy!
thesmartdog
Six months. Logan has been with James for six months and she's not gonna lie, some of those months have been tough. He is a handful. He's a complicated, overemotional, dramatic divo. But Logan is a neurotic bundle of nerves and James puts up with her. And all their troubles don't compare to the great time they've had together. Logan has come to love James and she's delighted that she does. Being in love isn't overrated at all like she'd thought before. It's really, really nice.

And anniversary dates! Logan has never experienced those before and just having dates celebrating each month they've been together is so much fun. It makes Logan feel warm and happy and they always have a good time.

Today they went to a Dodgers game and followed it with dinner. Now they're just laying in James' bed, shoes and socks off, reading a book Logan found at a used bookstore; "Worst Case Scenario Survival Guide to Dating and Sex." They're laughing out loud and joking about all the different "tips" in the book. It's really funny to both of them and Logan is glad neither of them think this is awkward and they're able to have such a good time together with something like this.

"Oh, god, how to deal with a bad kisser..." Logan reads aloud, pointing to the page they're on. "Maybe I need to study up on this one..." She giggles to herself, turning to her side on the bed, back to James, and pretending to read the page. 

(no subject)
thoughtful
thesmartdog
Although Kendall may completely hate Logan, Logan doesn't mind too much being around him. He just wouldn't ever fuck him, that's all. He isn't attractive. And he's rude and obnoxious and has Carlos' heart tied around his finger, but that's really all. Logan doesn't mind going to get gas with him and Carlos.

He does, however, mind leaving the (admittedly shitty and smelly) hotel without his jacket. It's slightly chillier out than he'd previously predicted. So he grabs Carlos' hand and kisses him, explaining that he's running back up to the room to get his jacket before they go.

That means, however, that he's going to be alone with James for a minute or two while he gets his jacket from his backpack. Oh, well. He should start talking to James again anyway. They're stuck together for awhile, and that insulting thing James said was about two days ago, enough time to get over it. Not like James is actually going to molest Logan or anything. He isn't entirely sure why James stayed up in the room, he was sort of ignoring him when Kendall asked if he wanted to come with, but James is surely still there when Logan gets back, since the door is unlocked. Maybe he wanted to pretty himself up in the bathroom while he still can, or sleep in a bed a little longer.

In any case, Logan lets himself into the room without knocking. He expects James to be asleep or showering, and he is in the bed, but... Logan's not sure how to react when he sees James sitting in bed bent over himself. He hesitates by the door a moment before realizing James could be hurt or sick.

"James?" Logan hurries to him, leaning over him and touching his back. "Are you okay? What happened, what's the matter?" Logan doesn't have any medical training at all, and he was homeschooled on top of that. He isn't sure what he'd do if James was sick or injured, but he can do something, surely. 

(no subject)
daww I'm cute I know
thesmartdog
Welp. Logan didn't sign up for this. He's not sure what he signed up for, but it wasn't being left alone in a tent in the middle of butt-fuck nowhere with this narcissistic pretty boy. He's annoying to say the least. All Logan's heard him talk about since leaving with Carlos on this little roadtrip is himself. And maybe what a good fuck Kendall is, which, no thank you.

He's almost tempted to ask if he can go home... but that would be rude. And, besides, Logan really, really likes Carlos and he wants to stick with him. He's cute. And sweet. And kind. And he smells like cigarette smoke, but Logan's bound and determined to make that stop.

And besides that, he desperately doesn't want to go back home. Home has nothing for him now. Home is a dead end street with no hope of any dreams or satisfaction in his life. Here on the road, riding the back of a motorcycle, he has Carlos. He has some friends and a lover. He has somewhere to go with his life and someone to share it with.

Only Carlos isn't here right now. He's... somewhere. With Kendall. They left about ten minutes ago to talk and Logan understands that they've been best friends forever and they need to talk in privacy for some things, but he really just feels awkward beyond belief being alone with James. Good thing he brought a book. Which his nose has been buried as he's pretended to read since Carlos left. Maybe he should put it down and pretend to sleep instead...

(no subject)
daww I'm cute I know
thesmartdog
Part of what makes Logan a really good tattoo artist is how dutifully he cleans his equipment. He's cleaning up his area after having just finished a tattoo on a girl, throwing his needle away in the hazardous materials container, sanitizing his area over and over. Maybe it's the medical school he's working his way through that has him so OCD, but it isn't a bad thing. It just means there's a bit of a delay before he's going to get on to his next customer, who he didn't even have an hour ago. At least Kendall's already drawn the art on him for Logan to go over.

He's a cute kid. Not the type who usually come in for tats. But then again, Logan doesn't look like the usual tattoo artist. Carlos, this guy's name is. Kendall said he's a friend of his, that Kendall was going to do his tattoo, but he asked for Logan today.

Logan just hopes Carlos isn't getting his hopes up. Logan isn't the conversational type, especially not in terms of flirting.

When his area is clean and his new equipment is laid out, the colors chosen that Kendall told him, he steps to the waiting area. "Carlos? You ready?" he asks. Maybe he'll change his mind and chicken out and Logan doesn't have to suffer being hit on. It's bad enough all the pretty sorority girls that give him eyes. With Carlos he can't even deny the offer of his number at the end and say "I'm gay," because it isn't much of an excuse to another guy. 

(no subject)
daww I'm cute I know
thesmartdog
Logan doesn't have a lot of patience. He never has. He preaches it plenty, tells the other guys that they need to learn to be patient and that good things will happen, but Logan personally hates to wait around. And he gets very frustrated very easily. And normally, he doesn't care too much about his appearance. Styling his hair comes easily to him, it's just up and back. But everyone has bad days and today is Logan's. If he can't get his hair to look right, he can't go on stage, he'll look like an idiot, the fans are going to know. He could just wear a hat, but he wants his hair up and and and...

He huffs loudly, throwing his comb into the sink of the small tour bus bathroom and glaring into the mirror. In a sudden fit of frustration he grabs his own hair and tugs on it, yelling into the mirror, "Why won't you do what I want?!"

Okay, he realizes he's acting like a crazy person, but it's warranted.

?

Log in